I have given The Little Prince to every significant
lover I’ve had. I consider this book essential for reaching one’s emotional
maturity. It is not a book for children, as many mistakenly believe – though I
am sure that many kids will appreciate its light humor and its condescension
toward adults. But really, it’s a book for grown-ups – those who risk
forgetting the child inside them, the always curious, never letting go of a
question, never taking anything lightly. It is a book for those who grew up and
never quite learned responsibility that comes not from duty and obligation, but
from one’s heart, from genuine care for those we have “tamed” – and those who
tamed us.
“What does tamed mean?”
“It’s something that’s been too often neglected. It means
‘to create ties’…”
…”I’m beginning to understand,” the little prince said.
“There’s a flower… I think she’s tamed me…”
It
seems to me that this responsibility is inherent in any working D/s
relationship, and the entire book can actually be a good lesson for those of us
pursuing this lifestyle. Without this genuine sense of care one would be living
either in a highly-explosive and emotionally harmful relationship, or
skin-deep, not going further than technically-kinky sexploration. And the first
thing that needs to be acknowledged is that this responsibility goes both ways
– just like a Dominant tames his submissive, a submissive tames her Dominant.
This act of creating ties, of making someone special to you, whether through
taking care of them or accepting that care, is irreversible, and just like the
little prince will always be remembered by the fox for his hair, the color of
wheat, or by the narrator, whenever he looks at the stars, one will remember a
lover one truly cared about, no matter if or why the relationship had to end.
The little prince went to look at the roses again.
“You’re not at all like my rose. You’re nothing at all yet,”
he told them. “No one has tamed you and you haven’t tamed anyone.”…
Many
spectators mistake D/s relationships for ones where the submissive gives up
control and allows things to be done to them, and where the Dominant is in
charge, doing those things, and thus shouldering all the responsibility. There
is nothing further from truth in this misapprehension, and if one enters an
arrangement believing this, one is likely to get nothing out of it – and hurt
the others involved. If anything, a D/s relationship assigns ways of caring,
tasks if you will, that work for each partner, while at the same time exposing
the extremely delicate balance of power that has to constantly be maintained
and nurtured, one that has to come out of sincere care for each other, genuine
appreciation and interest – not because of accepted morality or what society
deems appropriate. That is the “taming” described in the book, and it has
nothing and everything to do with control: it is not exercised, but comes
naturally, as in a bond that holds and thus restrains each participant’s
movements through their willing submission, their desire to be tamed. And while
the cost of it may be tears (and always is), the benefit stays with you
forever: out of 7 billion people on earth, you’ll have a few who will always
be, irrevocably, yours.
“It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose
so important.”
“It’s the time I spent on my rose…,” the little prince
repeated, in order to remember.
“People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said. “But you
mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re
responsible for your rose…”
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