I think it may be time to rekindle this blog... So much has happened in the last four and a half years, so much has changed. So many new experiences that led to a new understanding of the lifestyle and myself - and so many illusions that collapsed. I wouldn't know where to start.
Should I write about the loss, the innumerable losses, unqualifiable, still very raw, each one adding to the last?
Should I write about the little victories? Feeling compersion, truly, for the first time, and understanding what was lacking before?
Write about what I now know? The lies, the gaslighting, the reasons I should always trust my intuition?
Write about love that can transition to friendship deeper than love, more intimate than sex? About how a lover can become family, and how happiness for another can really be happiness for oneself?
I can write volumes on compromises... Raising kids in a non-traditional marriage. Juggling one's multiple identities - as a lover, a wife, a baby, a mom, a friend, a PTA volunteer and a proud slut. Trusting - and not trusting - people and their stories. Realizing past mistakes. Realizing that submission doesn't mean giving up of one's agency - not fully, anyway- never fully....
Give me a start, I'll follow through.
In this blog I want to explore issues related to BDSM and non-traditional sexual relationships. I don’t want to judge or teach, just discuss, reflect, bring up my own questions and concerns. This will be a place where I attempt to delve deeper into the psychological underpinnings of desire, to examine different points of view, review books, other websites, movies and events. I will try to do this with as much of an open mind as possible, analyzing my own reactions and questioning my assumptions.
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